CIA Providing Raw Porn To Senators For Russia Probe

by Paul Bernstein, Politicoat Tuesday 3/7/2017

Langley, VA – The CIA has begun providing raw Russian porn to members of congress investigating Russian alleged involvement in the US presidential election, according to two US senators who spoke with reporters on Tuesday.

Senator John McCain (R-AZ) and transsexual Senator Lindsey Graham (R-SC) said they visited CIA headquarters in Langley, VA to view large portfolios of both strait and gay Russian porn to be made available to colleagues in both houses of congress.

I’m into the guy on girl stuff, myself, but you know Lindsey. He loves those brutal meat stick routines,” chuckled Senator John McCain after a day of “auditing” raw Russian porn at CIA hq.

A smiling Senator Graham, standing next to his Senatorial colleague from Arizona, said, “I think that after hours of viewing this important raw material congress can really get involved in Russian bottom… I mean really get to the bottom of Russian involvement.”

Ranking Senate Democrat Chuck Schumer said he planned to travel to Langley “very soon” to view the raw Russian porn which, according to the Senate Democrat, “forms the basis of understanding into Russia’s participation in our erections.”

I can’t wait to see what the CIA has and thoroughly review the material again and again,” Schumer said.

Thus far the Trump White House has declined the CIA’s invitation to view the raw Russian porn despite several attempts to insert the material into the President’s Daily Briefing.

It’s fairly obvious what’s going on here and we’re not stupid enough to fall for it,” said White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer when asked over and over if he or any member of the President’s staff had seen the raw Russian porn.

Critics, including those in the Trump administration, say the whole Russian electioneering narrative is a fabricated excuse for members of congress to view thousands of hours of Russian porn while pretending there is a Kremlin conspiracy to rig US elections via espionage.

CIA officials say the agency is ambivalent to congressional motivations and merely seek to profit from the sexual compulsions and gullibility of legislators by allowing the raw porn to permeate both houses before blackmailing those who viewed and wanked to the material.

It’s rookie bait and switch blackmail we’ve perfected over decades of spy craft, only easier since the stooges are coming to us,” said a CIA official involved in disseminating  Russian porn to members of the house and senate.

We’re basically going to sexually blackmail the shit out of this monkey see, monkey do congress with porn available on the internet without employing a single hooker or introducing any kind of human element into the op. Classic!”

Special “raw Russian porn” viewing rooms have been set up throughout the capitol building.

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