Clinton Global Sex Initiative Losing “Awesome Sauce” over Hillary Scandals

An involuntary inductee of the CGSI poses with the group's founder

 by Chong Wong, Politicoat Monday 3/29/2015

New York City, N.Y. –  For the first time since its founding the Clinton Global Sex Initiative faces a rash of big donor departures as suspicion mounts in the disappearance of Hillary Clinton’s State Department emails.

The for profit global sex foundation, created by former President Bill Clinton, serves heads of kleptocracies, undeserving Nobel laureates, Hollywood producers, CEOs of progressive corporations, and members of the compliant media. To date the CGSI boasts conquests over 23 million minor and adult females in more than 180 countries.

 “This whole email scandal came out of left field,” said CGSI Chief of Staff Ronald Jeremy Hyatt, who was hired by the 42nd President due to his connections in the adult film industry. “It’s brought a lot of attention we otherwise wouldn’t have. CGSI members are worried with a Clinton having to answer questions they could, too.”
Others are less concerned. Robby Mook is Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager. “These are  Clintons, okay?” retorted Mook in an exclusive interview. “No Clinton, from the Arkansas Governor’s Mansion to the White House, has ever been accountable for anything. The guys at CGSI are panicking for nothing.”

Ronald Hyatt disagrees. “Her missing State Department emails are not the only issues facing the CGSI,” said Hyatt after it was disclosed the CGSI accepted millions of dollars from autocratic foreign governments while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. “This is Hillary’s crisis to manage,” continued Hyatt. “The CGSI was simply minding its own business when she screwed up at State.”

When asked about Hyatt suggesting Hillary’s missteps are behind CGSI funding issues, Roby Mook conceded, “We’re not completely blind to the timing,” but offered no hint as to how his Clinton 2016 team will manage the crisis.

In off-the-record statements, however, Clinton staffers suggested a strategy to repair the CGSI and Hillary’s campaign for the White House. According to members involved with Clinton 2016, Hillary will transform her War on Women message to “modernize” the Clinton Global Sex Initiative.

“The first place we can start is opening Orgy Island to female guests,” said a Hillary staffer who declined to be identified. “By bringing equality to human trafficking we silence the critics and calm CGSI members. It’s a win win.”

Hillary is “Ready” for Orgy Island


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