Homeless Klansman Sues Local Shelter 

by Chong Wong, Politicoat Friday 4/15/2016

     Less than two months after stabbings at a KKK rally just miles from the Disneyland theme park, a self-proclaimed Klansman is turning up Spring temperatures on a city where racial tensions are higher than a Snoop Dogg tour bus.

Homeless 64-year-old Anaheim native Ted Kramer, who claims to be a member of the Fourth Order KKK, is suing the Crisis Bed Homeless Shelter for destruction of personal property and racial discrimination. 

According to Kramer a bag of personal items, including a white robe and conical hat, was disposed of by shelter personnel without his consent. In addition to unauthorized destruction of his belongings Kramer is suing for what he contends are “too many goddamn niggers” housed at the shelter which he believes should be diversified with white hobos.

Kramer’s attorney argues the shelter violated his client’s First, Fourth, and Fourteenth Amendment rights when it discarded Kramer’s personal items and evicted him, before the conclusion of his city-mandated 30 day reservation, for merely espousing his views on shelter demographics.

“Mr. Kramer, in his less-than-diplomatic manner, was simply trying to be helpful by suggesting Crisis Bed become more racially diversified and should not have had his belongings destroyed, nor himself evicted,” said Marshall Pencrest, council for plaintiff.

Twiahkeesha Jones, a former resident turned supervisor at the Crisis Bed Shelter, contends she and her staff had no choice but to discard Kramer’s belongings due to limited space in the 200 bed, 4000 square foot facility. “We had to toss his shit,” said Jones, saying Kramer’s KKK wardrobe was offensive to the shelter’s African American residents.

Kramer is also seeking damages in separate civil suits against the shelter and the City of Anaheim on account he was mugged after being evicted. The assault resulted in the theft of Kramer’s wallet and state voter ID card, which he will need to vote in the upcoming CA primary considering he is white and assumed to support Donald Trump.


Chris Rock Arrested in Ferguson Police Shooting

3/16/2015      Anti-gun activist and once amusing SNL comedian Chris Rock was arrested late Saturday for firing the bullets that struck two St. Louis police officers during a March 12 protest at the Ferguson, MO Police headquarters. Investigators initially believed “Homie The Marksman” to be responsible for the shooting, but now say the evidence pointing to Rock is overwhelming. 
“The gun and ammunition in Mr. Rock’s possession during his arrest match the shell casings and bullets recovered on scene,” said Lieutenant Jay Parker of the Missouri State Police. When asked about his department’s mistaken investigation of Homie The Marksman, Lt. Parker offered, “sorry Homie.”

Rock, who said he was ‘home getting high’ at the time of his arrest, claimed he took a break from evading police due to the expectation his pursuers would “take the weekend off.” In a statement from jail where he awaits arraignment, Mr. Rock furthermore claimed the officers struck by his gunfire “wuzn’t even the mothafuckas I’z tryin’ ta shoot.”

The Obama administration’s Department of Justice is promising a thorough investigation into the shooting to determine if any of Rock’s civil rights were violated. “We’ll be looking into the possibility that Mr. Rock’s rights may have been violated by the gun he used or the officers he shot,” said constantly departing DOJ chief Eric Holder. “We can’t rule out anything in a nation policed by racist white cops.”

Homie the Marksman Evades Ferguson Police

3/13/2015      The highly-skilled Ferguson, MO shooter known as “Homie the Marksman” continues to elude police in an unprecedented state-wide manhunt.  “This guy hit two cops gangsta style from 125 yards with a cheap stolen pistol,” said Lieutenant Jay Parker, referring to the 12 March shooting of two police officers during a protest at Ferguson Police Headquarters. Parker is leading the multi-agency search for Homie. “With that level of skill we can’t get too close, or be far enough away.” 

CNN’s reputable Wolf Blitzer was the first to bring Homie’s shooting skills to light. In a recent monolog Blitzer, who is vastly adept in firearms and ballistics, informed his ignorant viewing audience that the likelihood of a pistol shooter hitting a target at 125 yards is 347.2 billion to one. 

CNN’s law enforcement analyst Tom Fuentes agreed, “Homie the Marksman has perfected the gangsta style of shooting. In fact, he’s taken it to a level of total perfection.” Said the former FBI Director and firearms instructor.

“Basically any gun this guy picks up, or steals, is automatically a sniper pistol,” Fuentes continued, who admits he was unable to implement the gangsta shooting style during his time as FBI weapons instructor. “With so many white agents it was like teaching ballet to elderly hobos,” he admitted.

Lieutenant Parker, however, gave some indication of how his task force intends to capture their shooter. “Since Homie is so skilled at long shots with low quality stolen pistols we are hoping to engage him at a distance of two or three yards,” said Parker praying Homie is less experienced at short distance shots.