Donors Seek To Block Clinton/Warren “Lezbo Ticket”

by Shannon Kelding, Politicoat Tuesday 6/21/2016
The official start of Summer is putting plenty of heat on presumptive Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton as big Wall Street donors, normally lining her pockets for favors, threaten to abandon their long time ally if she picks bulldog Elizabeth Warren as her VP running mate.
Money managers from the nation’s financial capital anonymously spoke with journalists to warn Clinton that any daddle with the celesbian senator form Massachusetts is a deal killer for their dollars.
Specifically, donors cited images of two muff diving clam jousters running for the land’s highest office as “too much” for the American public as women readily find Clinton repulsive and gay male votes insufficient to carry a Clinton/Warren bean flicker ticket through the general election in November.
Sources, however, reveal Wall Street’s real motivation in opposing a Clinton/Warren ticket is not so much the overtones of floppy-titted carpet munchers manning the highest elected office but Clinton becoming Warren’s molly dyke, moving the former Secretary of State farther to the left on economic and trade policy.
“I’m as queer as anyone on Wall Street, but people around here aren’t going to pay for two nervy, poorly-aging kitty punchers bashing their funding source to pick up a few Bernie votes,” a gay bond trader with $150 billion under management said.
Such is the sentiment on Wall Street as elites asset traders from Pine to Broadway cringe at the thought of the two women running together.
“Can you imagine those two Janey licking slacks hand in hand on stage in Philadelphia?” one openly gay hedge fund manager said, referencing the upcoming July Democratic convention where Clinton is expected to announce her choice for a running mate. “I mean people seeing them together would be like, ‘Hello, bumper cars!’”

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