Ebonics Crisis Continues To Grip Nation

by Paul Bernstein, Politicaot

     Black Lives Matter activists wasted no time protesting the existence of law enforcement following killings of five Dallas police officers by a racist black man, despite black racism being technically impossible according to a majority of Pan-African Nationalist university professors.

Police from Atlanta, GA to St. Paul, MN were dispersed to contain crowds of intentionally unemployed blacks and progressive dumb white motherfuckers raining hate on officers wishing they were anywhere but pulling a double shift being reminded how much they are despised by President Obama’s core constituency.

It’s fanfuckingtastic not seeing my family to hold back a line of people screaming various ways I can be BBQ-ed and roasted on a spit,” Atlanta Police Sergeant Dan Murry said who, with three combat deployments between Afghanistan and Iraq, admits he has lost touch with why he opted out of life in the Middle East. “I just wish the kids were here to see how Daddy is appreciated by the community.”

Adding insult to injury state and local police are being exposed to a multitude of grammatically incorrect slogans in what officials are calling the unbearable African American vernacular known as Ebonics.

I spent all of last night, between being showered with rocks and human spit, trying to teach these folks second-person singular but I can’t work miracles on people who quit fourth grade to gang bang,” Murry added.

In St. Paul hundreds of Somali pirates granted permanent US residency displayed the extent of their phylum’s 68 average IQ by pelting police with bottles and fireworks to exhibit anger over inability to socially or economically integrate into a country requiring literacy and command of English.

Now I know what it was like for those guys in Black Hawk Down having Somalis raining shit from every direction,” a St. Paul police officer said as she peeled out of a helmet and protective gear scared with cylinder block fragments and detonated pyrotechnics. “Only here we have the added joy of Ebonics.”

Despite best efforts of law enforcement to prevent grammatical homicide by Black Lives Matter plunderers, department administrators say police are linguistically outgunned.

My officers can’t, in one our two weeks of mitigating violent riots, make large groups of irrational, highly uneducated hooligans verbally comprehensible to members of productive society,” one of the nation’s few remaining white police chiefs said from his MN depart HQ following an unprecedented weekend of Ebonics abuse and officer injury.

English linguistic experts are being sent to the most heavily protested cities relieving the sore ears and rattled nerves of officers working Black Lives Matter protests.

Teams of English teachers and speech pathologists will work crowds of blacks and dumb white motherfuckers assessing appropriate language therapies based on highest grade of completed elementary school.


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