by Shannon Kelding, Politicoat Wednesday 12/14/2016
Viewers uncooperative, yet “too stupid to vote unassisted”.
Forget objectivity. Fake mainstream news media to increase output.
New York City, NY – Major fake news networks CNN, NBC, ABC, and SeeBS are collectively denouncing claimes their reporting and sources are “untrustworthy”.
Such accusations are swarming after the 2016 Presidental election where fake news networks and the progressive left underwent the largest political boot stomping since the collapse of Soviet communism.
“We don’t even use sources, so what’s there to trust?,” CNN prompter reader Chris Cuomo said, still mourning the death of Cuban dictator Fidel Castro.
Castro was recetnly late to his own funeral when the Soviet-built jeep transporting the tyrant’s dead ass broke down in transit to his final resting place.
“I just can’t believe he’s gone,” Cuomo whimpered, tears welling. “He did so much for the Cuban people, and to have that jeep break down with his remains on the trailier or whatever,” Cuomo sobbed, excusing himself to the studio’s gender inconclusive restroom without completing the interview.
Very real among the mainstream fake news community is resentment over being called “fake”.
“We generally expect our viewers to be morbidly uneducated and have zero critical thinking skills,” said ABC prompter reader George Stephanopoulos.
“Until this election our assessment of the viewing audience has been conducive to shoving our message down their throats. ‘Control the narrative, control the thinking’ was totally ineffective this cycle.”
When asked if proven disastrous fake news methods will be revised in favor of research, facts, and objectivity MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough replied, “absolutely not.”
“The media worked very hard to pervert journalism into what it is today. There’s no way we’re giving up on total Marxist equality in favor of not telling people what to think,” Scarborough said. “Reporters would become unmotivated in a real news environment, kill themselves, and stop showing up for work.”
“We’ll be turning up the volume,” NBC’s Lester Holt said when asked what mainstream fake news media will do if viewers continue to switch off. “If there’s anything the last election taught us it was we weren’t getting our message across forcefully enough.”