Gov. Kasich Found In GOP Convention Toilet

Ohio Governor John Kasich recovering form harrowing RNC bathroom ordeal.

by Kelly McFelling, Politicoat Wednesday 7/20/2016

Cleveland, OH- Three days after the start of an exhaustive search throughout the city of Cleveland, Ohio Governor John Kasich has been rescued from an obscure public restroom located in the basement of the Quicken Loans Arena, site of the 2016 Republican National Convention.

The popular two term governor, whose mom funded his unsuccessful but extremely prolonged presidential bid, was immediately taken to an area hospital for treatment after what authorities believe was a 72 hour ordeal of being locked inside a small one toilet, one sink public restroom.

A spokesperson for Kasich said the Governor purposely went out of his way to use the GOP convention’s only transgender restroom facility, to demonstrate his solidarity with the LGBTQ community, but was trapped inside when a broom handle became dislodged and fell behind two heavy file cabinets on either side of the restroom entrance.

Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort, when finally asked a question not pertaining to Melania Trump, said Kasich’s condition is welcome news since the governor will not be released form the hospital until well after the Republican convention has ended.

Holy shit did we dodge a bullet with Mr. Bean, or what?” Manafort said to a gathering of reporters, adding, “My only regret is they found his ass so soon,” seeming to suggest Kasich is as much a liability to the GOP as he is to himself.

Restroom facilities at the next week's DNC are expected to be more accommodating.

Restroom facilities at next week’s DNC are expected to be more accommodating.

 


 

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