Hillary Clinton Found! Post Indiana Primary Update

by Chong Wong, Politicaot Thursday 5/5/2016

     Wrongly thought to be in FBI custody, Hillary Clinton spent time away from the campaign trail imposing Sharia law on the bare backs of her senior campaign staff for enduring another crushing defeat by Vermont Senator Bernie Sanders in Tuesday’s Indiana Primary. Reports indicate Clinton severely beat her campaign staff until both arms hung at her sides like wet noodles from exhaustion.

Calmed and recharged from verbally and physically abusing her subordinates, Clinton later emerged looking rested and cheerful as she joked in an interview with CNN’s Anderson Cooper about easily defeating “blustering and bullying” Republican nominee Donald Trump in the upcoming November general election.In her characteristic satanic cackle Clinton brushed off questions about blood splatter on her face and clothes, instead suggesting Cooper focus on the issues of the campaign. “Anderson, voters are not interested in whether this red substance on my face and clothes is Sriracha sauce or human blood,” said a hysterically laughing Clinton.

Senior Clinton campaign staff could not be reached for comment, or welfare check, as it is assumed they are under sedation and being injected with heavy antibiotics to recover from injuries ahead of next Tuesday’s West Virginia primary where Clinton is expected to display another poor showing to rival Sanders.

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