Hillary Pledges To Eat Fewer Children

by Tyrone Watts, Politicoat Wednesday 10/4/2016

Promoting an always evolving image of humanity and commitment to becoming more appealing to those not members of the Clinton Foundation or major media cartels, the Clinton campaign has announced that the former Secretary of State will reduce her digestive demand for the nation’s children.

Mrs. Clinton began eating children during her earliest days as a young lawyer at the Children’s Defense Fund since signing with a prestigious law firm required sound legal reasoning over the brash assertiveness and enraged feminism offered by then Miss Hillary Rodham.

After becoming the shameless, opportunistic wife of syphilitic Governor Bill Clinton, Hillary crossed the state of Arkansas eating children on behalf of public education sometimes devouring teachers and parents to “improve schools” in a state ranked at the bottom in learning and retention of useful knowledge.

Back on the campaign trail earlier today Mrs. Clinton verbally demeaned a hundred or so supporters in Pennsylvania where she superimposed an assortment of beaten-to-death slogans over her completely unbelievable pledge to eat fewer kids across the country between now and her presumed presidential appointment in January.

Not surprisingly polls showed no change in Clinton’s triple digit lead over rival Donald Trump, despite revelations she has been eating defenseless humans for the majority of her adult life. Some polls in key battleground states even suggest a bump in her approval ratings now that her diet will be limited to white kids with valid US citizenship.

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