Hillary/Jeb Ticket Confirmed for 2016

by  Paul Berstein, Politicoat Friday 3/13/2015

     Unable to ignore their crony legacies and vast fortunes, Hillary Clinton and Jeb Bush announced they will team up for the 2016 White House. The unsurprising revaluation came at the request of aristocrats known as the “donor class” who seek protection of financial interest above survival of the American republic. 

Both candidates site personal ambition over actually doing anything to better the country as their main motivation for the 2016 run. A plus for big money contributors who seek compliance and “return on investment” over not completely selling the nation down the shitter. 

“You have to admire the dynasty and personal ambition of these two candidates,” said Bush strategist David Kochel. “Jeb and Hillary are top pics of the donor class who like things just the way they are, since that’s what they paid for.”

When asked if he thinks American voters are weary of institutional politicians Mrs. Clinton’s campaign manager Robby Mook said, “Hillary/Jeb 2016 will be totally different from Obama/Biden 2008. Instead of candidates that hate America we’re fronting candidates Americans hate,” he explained. “The money needed to force these guys onto the public will be massive, but we have plenty to spend.”

Pressed for specifics on what Hillary and Jeb have in common, Bush political consultant Jon Down was quick to respond. “Both Jeb and Hillary share total ideological parallels on amnesty for illegals, interventionist foreign policy, and hatred of transparency. Additionally, one can’t escape the fact that the Clinton and Bush families are very close and politically indistinguishable.”

Joel Benson, a former Obama pollster and current Clinton staffer agreed, “Hillary and Jeb will do and excellent job of serving the interests of the one percent. After all it’s well documented that neither care about anything, unless you consider talking in circles a form of caring.” 

Sally Bradshaw is Bush’s chief fundraiser. “This match up dissolves the conundrum of lacking popularity among American voters,” said Bradshaw “With the money we’ve raised no one will ever hear from an opposition candidate, ever again.”

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