Lindsey Graham Gives Jeb Campaign Kiss of Death, Stays Closeted

Graham: “Jab’s my guy.” Jeb thinking it all over a bit late.

by Lance Blanchard, Politicoat Saturday 1/16/2016

     Closet homosexual Senator Lindsey Graham shocked absolutely no one when he, during an earlier press conference, endorsed donor class favorite and institutional jackoff Jeb Bush for President. 

Many expected the androgynous South Carolina politician, who has occupied the US Senate for long enough, to make an announcement regarding his sexual relationships with men. Instead Mr. Graham put a final nail in the sickly ‘Jeb for President’ coffin by publicly endorsing the former Florida governor, a candidate too few seems to want, as “the right man for the job”. 

Pundits in both parties are reaching similar conclusions about the future of Jeb’s presidential bid following Graham’s endorsement. “He’s dead, and Lindsey Graham killed him,” said Republican pollster Jack Rogers, referring to the future of Bush’s bid. “I mean, you have a very unpopular, very gay liberal senator who’s polling rock bottom in his own state endorsing a presidential bid on life support. What the fuck is that about?” queried Rogers.  

With overtones of diversity, tolerance, and rainbows Graham referenced Bush’s debate performance, in addition to a preference for taller men, as reasoning for endorsing the low polling elitist Bush. “Last night Jab proved to me he was everything I could ever want,” said the three term senator during a Friday morning speech of subliminal man love and gut-wrenching political mediocrity.

Disappointing everyone by not publicly admitting he’s gay, Graham further made note of Mr. Bush’s qualifications as strong on amnesty for million of illegals sucking up American resources, a champion of Islamic diversity, and sure to entangle the US in foreign wars for generations to come. 

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