NC Residents Celebrate San Fran Travel Ban

by Kelly McFelling, Politicoat Sunday 3/27/2016

It has been over a year since San Fransisco’s Travel Czar has issued a ban against a politically and geographically distant state not gay enough to his liking, but Mayor Ed Lee has, once again, dropped the travel gavel this time preventing San Franciscans from setting one transgender toe in the Tar Heel state of North Carolina.  

Mayor Lee, by imposing the travel ban, is reacting to a recent law that ensures North Carolinian females will not have the displeasure of encountering purple-haired, skinny jean-wearing, androgynous men with their penises taped between their legs in public restroom facilities designated for women and girls.  

The law, known as House Bill 2, will also protect North Carolinian men from PTSD-like symptoms by preventing exposure to large-boned, short-haired females wearing plaid shirts and drop-chain wallets attempting to spit, over use public urinals, and colloquial profanity. 

Reaction to Mayor Lee’s travel ban has not been mixed. San Franciscans, who are used to government placing strict limits on all aspects of their lives, least their genitals, are happily conforming as North Carolinians are pleased with the travel ban, hoping it remains in place. 

“I don’t know how the mayor of San Fransisco can order his citizens not to come here, but we’re sure happy he did,” said Charlotte resident and mother of three Suzie Anderson.

San Fransisco Mayor Ed Lee: “You can poop anywhere on our streets, but you can’t travel to North Carolina.”

Ronald Baylor, who runs a local burger joint popular with the Charlotte working class lunch crowd, is also a proponent of the new law. “Now I don’t have to destroy dining space to build a freakin’ gender neutral bathroom for a few un-parented, purse-toting, lady boys wishing they were born with vaginas.”

Opponents to the law claim the Republican-controlled NC Assembly has overstepped, reversing years of progressive progress. Emrham Malinoue is a local transgender and toilet activist.  “The new law denies LGBT persons essential protections to ensure we can have equal social access without fear,” seemingly unaware that lesbians and gays use gender specific public restrooms without complaint. 

Despite the popularity of the law and San Fransisco travel ban among normal people in NC, globalist corporations, such as Dow Chemical and Bank of America, have denounced the state’s legislation as “discriminatory”.

Additionally professional sports organizations, like the NBA and NFL, are considering boycotts of North Carolina-based events, such as the 2017 All Star game and future Super Bowls, to “protect transgender fans from intimidation and fear” despite there being no statistical evidence that people who dye their hair green, predominately wear black, and earn income solely for the purpose of surgically altering their genitals are adamant sports fans. 

Enjoy the game!


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