by Jose Ramirez, Politicoat Thursday 9/8/2016
The FBI has conducted an investigation into the claim a cable news reporter was jettisoned from Hillary Clinton’s Boeing 737 during its inaugural flight from Ohio to Illinois on Monday.
Sources indicate the deceased reporter was thrown from the Clinton plane for allegedly not asking a “friendly” question during Clinton’s hang out with her hand-selected, lapdog, vomit-slurping press corps.
Keeping with tradition FBI Director James Comey led the investigation when the dead reporter’s unrecognizable, bloated body washed onto the southern banks of Lake Michigan Tuesday after, according to forensic specialists, hitting the lake’s surface from an altitude of several thousand feet.
Passengers on board the Clinton campaign jet, including members of the ‘Hillary for President’ press team, said they remember seeing the now deceased reporter departing from Cleveland but were not personally familiar with the man due to his suspicious proclivity for journalism.
According to witnesses Mrs. Clinton became extremely agitated after the unknown reporter questioned her about disseminating US intelligence secrets when everyone else was asking “nice” questions about her restful weekend and favorite Labor Day foods.
Investigators concluded Mrs. Clinton became enraged at the inquisitive reporter, suffered a coughing fit, and returned to the front of the plane where she pointed out the reporter to her campaign staff and private security detail.
It was then, according to witnesses and official flight records, the reporter was escorted to the rear of the plane, as it descended to six thousand feet, then was thrown from the aircraft while demanding to be returned to his assigned seat.
In a written statement, to be released during tonight’s first regular season NFL game, Director Comey will present overwhelming evidence Mrs. Clinton and her campaign staff colluded and conspired to murder the yet-to-be-identified reporter for simply asking a question the former Secretary deemed adversarial.
In conjunction with information provided to the FBI by the Federal Aviation Administration, Mr. Comey’s investigation also discovered the Clinton campaign “Stronger Together” Boeing 737, or Wheelchair Force One, underwent several highly illegal modifications allowing cabin doors to open during low altitude, low pressure flight.
“Our investigation concludes that modifications, such as those made to Mrs. Clinton’s official campaign aircraft, were done to allow fuselage doors to open during flight for the sole purpose of jettisoning reporters deemed unhelpful to the Clinton campaign,” Comey elaborated in his statement.
The meticulous and highly-respected FBI Director concluded, however, that despite the mechanical, physical, eye-witness, and flight data material evidence that a reporter was, indeed, thrown from the Clinton campaign aircraft, there is “still insufficient grounds for criminal legal proceedings against Mrs. Clinton or her campaign staff in their handling of the reporter’s murder.”