by Jose Ramirez, Politicoat Saturday 7/2/2016
The Obama Administration has rolled out its latest counter terror initiative following attacks in Bangladesh where extremists murdered 20 non-Muslim captives unable to quote scripture from the Islamic holy book.
Speaking from the White House, Press Secretary Josh Earnest said President Obama will issue an executive order on Monday requiring all Americans, at home and abroad, to learn enough of the Quran to prevent being executed by Islamic holy warriors pop quizzing hostages on Muslim theocracy.
“The President wants all Americans to know, regardless of where in the world they reside, not all terror attacks are fatal. Survival is possible if you know the right words to say,” Earnest said to a gathering of shit-stirring media activists.
Critics of the President’s executive order, which will be handed down on the July Fourth holiday, complain it is another appeasement of Islamic jihad indicative of the Administration that created the Islamic State in Iraq, Syria, and Libya.
“Just when you think these people can’t get any more fucked up, they do,” Donald Trump said from the campaign trail.
White House officials, however, disagree with naysayers of their latest effort to conciliate the world’s most irrational monotheistic mistake, claiming the best way to be spared by Islam’s overthrow of human civilization is to embrace it.
“Look, the English translation of Islam is “surrender” for a reason. It is undeniable that a significant number, if not all, of those killed in yesterday’s attack would be alive if they were followers of the Prophet Muhammad, or at least students of the Quran,” Earnest said, firing back at a disdained reporter who suggested the President’s executive action is unconstitutional and un-American.
Senior White House staff confirmed they will work through the weekend determining what of the Quran’s 114 chapters and 286 verses Americans will be mandated to memorize.
“We will likely focus on the Medinan chapters since those are more militant and best coincide with the President’s deeply-held revolutionary Marxist beliefs,” Shia Muslim and White House Chief of Staff Valerie Jarrett said.