Soros Invests $20 Million To Be First Cryonics Transgender

Hopes to be revised as a woman in 100 years when transgenders and pedophiles are socially, legally normalized.

For 20 million bucks we’re happy to pump him full of antifreeze, slap on a dress, and toss him in the deep freeze for a hundred or so years.” -Cryonics Director

By Kelly McFelling, Politicaot Wednesday 2/15/2017

Los Angels, CA – Billionaire and progressive political activist George Soros has invested $20 million with the California-based cryonics firm Athura Group.

Representatives for Soros say the anti-Trump market speculator plans to be posthumously frozen, undergo gender surgery, and revised in the future as “a woman living in a just world order of total equality and pedophilia“.

Unlike cryonics firms that merely scam rich people with promises of restoring their dead bodies to life with mysterious future technologies, Athura Group specializes in cryonics for wealthy gender dysphoric clients who can ill afford the mental illness of transgenderism destroying current relationships among family and friends.

We work primarily with trans clients but only those least likely to kill themselves due to do having such high net worth,” said Athura’s Tabitha Stepoze, referencing the high percentage of transgenders who off themselves due to social and familial rejection after mutilating their bodies to get attention

Cryonics, the practice of freezing legally dead people to stop physical decay in hope of future revival, share, according to Stepoze, similar characteristics with transgenderism

“Both are on the outskirts of accepted science and neither work.”

Soros, who has been making end-of-life preparations since the Nov. 8, 2016 election of Donald Trump, is reportedly suffering from ill health due to losing so many political battles and billions speculating against the post-Trump election market rally.

We see this a lot. Especially from rich liberal dinosaurs like Soros,” said Stepoze, a biologist who holds a PhD in psychology. “They’ve made a lot of money but not any difference, despite spending so much shoving leftist ideology down the throats of average, mostly conservative Americans.”

Dr. Stepoze contends she can be forthcoming about the realities of cryonics and transgenderism because both are fairy tale theoretics heavily pushed as factual science.

It doesn’t matter how critical I am of my field. There is so much human and financial capital pouring into the fictions of cryonics and selective gender confirmation it doesn’t matter what I say or do.” 

Asked if science will ever propel cryonics to overcome human death Stepoze said anything is possible.

“Potential is unlimited, but the likely outcome for Mr. Soros, in a hundred years of being frozen and pumped full of chemicals, is a female-looking zombie with peeling skin, bursting blood vessels being put down with a magnum caliber revolver.”

Cryonics only instance of success had unintended shagadelic consequences for heterosexuality.

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